November 8, 2000 |
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ODE TO MY SPOON
by Christopher Penn
Eeeaggghhh eeek ehhhoooo!
Sppppbbttt ooo eeeahhh! ooo- mmmbbbt
NNNgyahh!
Pbbbgght eeeeeeee
Eeek eeekaggghhMmmbbbt
ehhhoooo.
November 5, 2000 |
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Wow, I'm as bad at keeping my diary up to date as my Dad is! I'll tell ya, a whole lot has happened to me since June! I can't quite crawl yet, but I can roll about as necessary to get at what I'm after. My Mom keeps trying to stick this Gerber Wallpaper Paste in my mouth, and it's all I can do to spit it out without swallowing some. I accidentally let on that I can hold on to my own bottle, so now my parents often just shove it in my face and leave me to fend for myself. Heck with that! Well, I'm getting tired and feel like throwing something (my rattle or a tantrum, I can't decide which). Maybe I'll just throw up. Oh yeah, before I go, I should mention that I learned a cool new word... Ba! Ba ba ba ba ba! Ba! Pbbbbbbbeghttt!
June 27, 2000 |
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Today I went to the doctor and he poked me full of holes! What the heck is that all about?!? It hurt! And then they fed me this weird cherry-flavored stuff in my milk that made me feel like a was in a whole different world. Daddy kept waving his hand in front of my face, but I was too out of it to notice.
June 25, 2000 |
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Of all the ridiculous things that have happened to me, I can't believe this one! Daddy cut all my hair off! Now I'm a miniature Yule Brenner! What does he think I'm gonna do, join the Army? Tell ya what, though, it sure feels a lot better when it's hot!
June 6, 2000 |
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Tonight I got to go and visit Uncle Pat and Aunt Alisa! They're really cool people! I got to take a couple pictures with them which you can see soon in my photo album. I even behaved myself! Wonders never cease...
June 3, 2000 |
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I got to go to my first Five O'clock People concert tonight! Awesome! Even though I slept through half of it, it sure was great. I got to meet so many neat people! I even got to throw up in the band's tour bus! That was really neat!
June 1, 2000 |
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Boy did I have a rough evening! Tonight was not only my first First Thursday, it was also my first Rose Festival. In Portland on the first Thursday of the month, all the art galleries open their new shows and from 6 to 9 pm everyone walks all around the area of town where the galleries are from gallery to gallery and looks at the art. I was strapped to Daddy's front, and somehow, people seemed more interested in looking at me than at the art. But I enjoyed myself immensely because a lot of the art was very colorful and interesting to look at.
When that was done, we walked down to the waterfront to the Rose Festival center and I got to see all kinds of bright flashing lights on the carnival rides. I like bright flashy things. Some people there even had bright flashy hair. I also got to see boatloads of big stuffed Poohs and Tiggers. I like those even more. By that time, I'd been trucked all over town for four hours and was getting pretty tired. When the fireworks started, now, those were cool! But I could only watch for about 5 minutes and then I just couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. Whew, what a night.
May 27, 2000 |
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I've made two new discoveries. The first one is smiling. I can do it. And it's even fun. And it's the weirdest thing...if I smile my parents smile too, but if I cry they don't cry with me. What's up with that? I also discovered my hand. And that I can shove it in my mouth and suck on it and slobber all over it. This is very convenient because my parents aren't always around to shove something in my mouth when I want it. My hair is getting so long in back that it's growing down over my collar. It's not that long on top, though, so I just might wind up looking like that Beetlejuice guy. I wish daddy would cut it so I wouldn't be so hot and fussy, but if I can't even get him to pay attention to me every time I want him to, just imagine trying to get him to do something like that. Besides, his own hair looks like a Chia pet gone out of control, so when he gets his cut, maybe there'll be hope for me. My "aunt" Jen came over to see me the other night, and brought me more goodies. I like my parent's friends- they're always bringing me things.
May 21, 2000 |
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Yesterday this really cool lady named Donna came to see me and brought me a talking Tigger and a smashing new outfit. We went for a walk in the Rose Gardens, although it will be another couple weeks beforethe roses are really at their best. We went to the mall, which was fun. I was so happy that when we got in the car I felt like singing, but Donna promised me a dollar if I'd shut up, so I did. Never saw the dollar though. I hope they started a trust fund with it. We went to eat Chinese food again, too. Blech! Kung Pao Breast Milk just isn't my thing! And then we went to Ben and Jerry's and everyone got ice cream but me. Imagine the nerve! So I tried screaming to protest, but they put me in the car and started driving, and I just can't stay awake when they do that, no matter how hard I try. But Donna left today, so now life is back to the same old boring routine.
May 16, 2000 |
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Went to church on Sunday, and all the ladies fell in love with me. I must take after my dad. I'm a month old now and can hold my head up...when I want to. I can do a lot of cool things when I want to. I just don't usually want to. I'm really expanding my repertoir of grunts, gasps, and groans, and have a different amusing facial contortion to go along with each one. Oh, and one other neat thing I've learned- rather than just spit up milk that I just swallowed, I can now bring it up from where it's been curdling in my stomach for a while and is all gloppy and gooey. And it smells so much more awesome!
May 6, 2000 |
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The remains of my cord fell off the other day. This means I can start taking real baths now. I think I might get one this evening. I had my first meal from a bottle today, just to see what it would be like. I think I like it better on tap. But at least that way, Dad can feed me too. Hey, the more people that can feed me the better, by my way of thinking. I'm getting better at the projectile vomiting thing. I can knock small flying insects out of the air now if they get too near. Which is a good thing, because as often as I have my mouth wide open sucking in air, I might get a fly or two with it. Mom got a nifty new rocking chair in my nursery, but so far I haven't gotten to try it out. I'll let you know what I think of it after I've spit up on the cushions once or twice.
May 1, 2000 |
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My grandparents went back home and now I don't get half the attention I deserve. Only my grandma really understands the way things should be. She would hold me all the time and even called me Sir Majesty. Now that's an adult who understands her place. They even gave me all kinds of neat stuff while they were here. You should see my new wheels! When my lazy daddy gets around to putting a photo up, you'll see why I'm so excited. I've gone on two walks now. OK, so my parents walk, I roll.
